The Problem with Kathi

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At a disturbingly young age, I realized the one thing I desire more than anything: to be different from my mother. My mother, Kathi, married at age 19, had a child with an abusive man she did not love, and, ultimately, chose not to keep either. I married at age 20, had a child with an abusive man I did not love, and, ultimately, chose not to keep either. When my mom was in her late 30s, she reconnected with her estranged child, who ended up not wishing for lasting contact. We diverge here. My mom has been in contact with the child I had chosen to give up for adoption for nearly two decades. I have not seen nor talked to that child in nearly as long, and the child has not reached out. I respect her choice to not. But, my mom chose to withhold connection to this child because I decided to withdraw my connection to my mother. My mother is angry at me; I am angry at her. A mirror.

My mother often said: “We have a special connection. No one loves you like I do.” The first man to hit me said similar, as did the last. I believe my partner and I have a special connection and that they love me like I’ve never had love before. My mom was…