What Even is Androgyny?
One of my favorite drag performers, The Dahli, said in an episode of The Boulet Brothers’ Dragula: “Non-binary people don’t owe you androgyny.” This is my favorite quote of the series (beside “Teletubby Toilet Bowl,” for all who know). But, this quote has special significance for me, as a non-binary person. I am what is called in non-binary circles as “Assigned Female at Birth.” I talk about how that assignment affects me a bit more in-depth in my article, “Noah, Or My Manly Chin.” I went to a gender-affirming group through the Anaheim gender clinic, where a young person spoke of feeling pressured to be more and more androgynous — the pressure comes from within and without. I said to them: “you shouldn’t feel the need to be androgenous, you should express yourself however you need to.” I don’t believe it takes away from your gender identity to align visually with your assigned gender, especially if a person, like me, is gender fluid.
Gender fluidity, for me, means I can inhabit any number of gender identities at any given time; these identities may also change throughout a single day, based on numerous factors. As such, I have no more investment in androgyny than I do with masculine or feminine dressing. All are equally valid forms of personal expression for me. However, I tend toward feminine more often than not because I prefer the cuts. Being obviously AFAB, I can wear things that are form-flattering and designated as “women’s” clothes, or boxy, hipless “men’s” clothes. The problem really is in mass-produced clothing, that I know. I also know that a tailor can work marvels. However, I neither have time nor the inclination to seek out a tailor for the stuff I buy on clearance racks, thrift stores, and Target. To imagine that I have an interest or income to support upscale dressing in plus-sizes is delusional. I don’t really need to purchase “men’s” clothes and have them tailored when “women’s” clothes fit me great off the rack. I don’t need to justify my non-binary identity to anyone.
Let’s get into what non-binary dressing is. As it happens, I was recently looking at a video stating “non-binary is beautiful!” As much as I appreciated the video, every body in it was thin and fully capable of outward androgyny with relatively minor alterations to their posture or clothing. I was not represented in this, nor was my partner, as people with larger and more gendering body proportions. Another thing I noticed: all of these individuals dressed heavily what is considered “opposite” their assigned gender. I know this because I’ve read the memoirs of a few of the people represented, and most of them are known for their non-binary activism. Of those I had recognized, their assignments and indentities were already known to me. Jacob Tobia, author of “Sissy: A Coming-of-Gender Story,” was one of those represented. Tobia is pictured on the cover with pearls, makeup, and a five-o-clock shadow. The image suggests “here’s a beautiful woman, but wait, there’s more!” This plays with expectations of gender, true, but relies heavily on gender normativity to connect with the audience. Makeup = female. Pearl necklace = 1950’s female. Stubble = male. In this sense, there is no androgyny, just conflicting gender signaling.
If Tobia, on this cover at least, isn’t representative of androgyny, then who is? Another famous non-binary individual, Jonathan Van Ness, uses similar signaling as Tobia: absolutely gorgeous hair, a dress, and a full beard. Femme, femme, masc. My only celebrity representation of what I consider to be actual androgyny comes from people that I looked up to as a young adult. These individuals have made no claim to a non-binary identity; I am thinking of David Bowie and Tilda Swinton. Again, very thin and easily capable of pulling off an androgynous look. They have never labeled themselves as non-binary, despite embracing an androgyny that I can only dream of. So, if androgyny isn’t required of non-binary identity, and non-binary identity isn’t required for androgyny, what exactly is a visual representation of non-binary identity?
Gender blending in the forms of JVN and Tobia are valid; Gender refusal in the form of androgyny is valid; Assigned gender signaling is valid as well. I haven’t stopped being non-binary when I wear women’s clothing because I am AFAB. Sorry, I’m just not. Really, non-binary dressing is anything you want it to be. This leads us back to The Dahli’s statement that no one is “owed androgyny.” But I might extend this to include that you don’t owe anyone any kind of gender signaling. Your gender signaling is a matter of personal choice — or, if you’re in the public eye, the informed choices of your stylist. If I had more time and presence of thought, I might have told that young person all that I’ve said here. I have been non-binary since before there was a word for it other than “Tom Boy,” which is a wild misrepresentation because I never really wanted to be a “boy” or a “girl.” I really have only ever wanted to be myself. But, I do understand the pressure. When I go to a non-binary meet up and am surrounded with khakis, cargo shorts, and button-ups, I feel completely out of place in my form-flattering skinny jeans, t-shirt, and bra (because I don’t think breasts make me a woman, ask any larger person). There is pressure to conform to androgyny or age-old cross-dressing techniques. Who I am exists in my mind, and I understand that signaling is how we feebly attempt to communicate that identity to others. And my signaling this way is secure — I am gender fluid, so I can look like a woman to whoever cares to perceive me. It isn’t my perception of myself that is flawed, it is the idea that another’s should matter more to me than my own.
